Breaking Hearts
by Lyaksandra
Summary: As the Renegade, Beck must make difficult choices that affect the programs closest to him. The consequences of these choices reach deeply into both his personal life and the Revolution.


**BREAKING HEARTS**

Beck keeps going back and forth on the idea that this is not how things were supposed to turn out. Having Mara around makes things so much easier for him, but he cannot wrap his mind around constantly putting her in harm's way. She could get derezzed in the blink of an eye any time they are out in a mission.

The problem is that she is good. Too good for her own good, actually. Because now, Beck, and by extension the revolution depend on her to get through the toughest operations. And then there is the clinging, which he would not mind if it were not for Zed. Beck knows how Zed feels about Mara. Who does not?

Before he became the Renegade, Beck did not even see Mara as a girl. When they are at the garage or hanging out together, she actually behaves very much like a tomboy. She is open, forthcoming, confident, and even a bit foul-mouthed when she is around him and Zed. It is hard not seeing her as just another guy in the group when she blends in so perfectly.

Everything changed when she met the Tron persona that Beck has been using to instigate the revolution, though. When Mara is around the Renegade, she becomes all coy smiles, acting coquettish and trying to initiate physical contact at every turn of their conversations. Even when she brushes her hair away from her face she acts differently, looking shyly at him from under her long eyelashes with those aquamarine eyes that seem to hold him in place by thought alone. It is a side of her that Beck has never seen before.

It gets even worse when they meet in the narrow and sketchy-looking alleys of downtown Argon. Like the one they are in right now, surrounded by tall buildings on both sides of its length and closed by a wall on one end, not to mention badly illuminated and deep enough to deter the dozens of unsuspecting programs that walk by constantly. Unfortunately, these secret meetings they arrange to work out their attack plans against Tesler just seem to promote the circumstances and atmosphere needed for Mara to make Beck blush constantly. Little by little, she has been bringing his barriers down, and now he is very aware of every single seemingly accidental brush or touch.

Sometimes, Mara clings to his arm—as she is doing right now—surrounding it with hers and pressing her body against it. The sensation of her small chest crushed against his bicep drives Beck crazy. It makes a lump appear in his throat out of nowhere, and he finds it difficult to swallow and to think straight. Mara may be kind of lean, but she certainly has softness and curves in all the right places. A discovery that he can very much do without.

Every time Beck feels her touch on his skin, he feels himself soaring with joy across the bluest skies and buried under the heaviest guilt at the same time. This is Mara, the girl his friend Zed has been having a crush on for the longest time. There is a certain code of honor between friends, and Beck feels compelled to respect that camaraderie between them. On the other hand, though, Mara is his friend too. Who is he to decide what she should feel? To say that Beck is torn apart by these feelings would be the understatement of the century.

When he looks at her, he realizes that her face is mere inches away from his. With merely the most tender of touches, he could guide her face toward his, partially collapse his helmet and claim those perfectly bow-shaped lips of hers. As if on cue with his thoughts, Mara picks that very moment to lick her lips. His eyes follow the pink tip of her tongue as it leaves a moist sheen in its wake, making her mouth even more appetizing. He has already begun leaning toward her when Zed's face comes into his mind and stops him, abruptly taking him out of the spell.

Beck understands right then that he should not be wasting time trying to figure these things out. Considering his position as what basically is public enemy number one of the Grid, getting into a serious relationship with Mara is something that will most likely end up very bad for the two of them. He could get derezzed without a moment's notice, leaving behind not only a heartbroken girlfriend but in this particular case also a betrayed friend. That is something he could never do to his friends.

That's when it hits him. Mara is Beck's friend, not the Renegade's.

"You know," he says tentatively, grabbing her by one shoulder and gently nudging her away from him. "That kid, Zed, he's in love with you."

She looks at him like he just grew a second head. "How did you…" she asks shaking her head slightly, probably trying to get around the surprise of learning that Tron knows such a thing.

After a moment, Mara takes a deep breath and then looks straight at him with sad eyes. "I know," she says in a resigned tone, and then hugs herself as she begins pacing from one wall of the alley to the other.

So she has known all along, Beck realizes.

All of a sudden, Mara lets out a forced laugh that to his ears sounds more bitter than anything else. "That obvious, huh?"

Beck does not say anything to answer her question. He simply stands there, hoping that he has read her well enough and that this is going to turn out like he expects.

She keeps pacing for a while before speaking again. "He's like a brother to me."

Ouch. Beck had already figured out as much, but hearing it straight from her mouth makes it even more real. Poor Zed. Even if Mara does not feel anything romantic for Zed, it is beside the point, Beck does not feel like her revelation gives him any kind of entitlement to hurt his two best friends.

"Both Beck and Zed are like the brothers I never had," she adds as an afterthought.

"I know," he replies, his voice barely above a whisper. At the same time he utters the words, his helmet begins collapsing away from his face.

For a moment, panic creeps into Beck, a cold chill running down his back. He does not know what to make of Mara's reaction. Has he screwed up everything by revealing his face to her? Her face is unreadable except for her glazed eyes staring at him as if he were not standing right there. The thousand yard stare, some call it. Is she angry? Disappointed, perhaps? Or, maybe she feels betrayed because he has lied to her all this time. He forces himself to not care. The benefits far exceed the disadvantages. With the truth out, now she can be free of her infatuation for the Renegade and get over it. He really hopes it is just infatuation. Breaking her heart for real is the last thing he wants.

Mara remains silent as a tomb even as she takes several steps away from him. Her face remains blank until the very last moment before she turns around and runs out of the alley. In that last moment, she closes her eyes and tears spill out, rolling down her cheeks like rivulets. Beck feels like a complete ass, but he also knows it had to be done. For her. She would have learned the truth at some point in the future, and better sooner rather than later. For Zed. He does not deserve to be betrayed by his best friend. For himself. Beck cannot in good conscience drag Mara any deeper into the insurrection than she already is. Oh, she would love nothing more than that, he is sure, but he is fighting this war so that she and everyone else do not have to suffer under the oppression of Clu anymore. Letting her sink with him would utterly defeat that purpose.

He does not go after her. Beck knows she is going to come back. It may not be tomorrow, or even a week from today, but he knows she will. Mara is the strongest program he has ever known and she is a true believer in the cause of the revolution. His greatest ally outside of Tron himself and a very real danger to Tesler, and even to Clu. Such is the power of conviction, and Mara has that in spades.

**FIN**


End file.
